Yesterday as I was working on my draft rewrite of the book I am writing about being Nick’s mom, I noticed something incredible. Our lives are full of experiences that create opposing emotions.
For example, Nick was almost four when Derek was born. The pregnancy was difficult for me, especially the last two months, when I was on bed rest. After Derek arrived, I was so excited to take up the reins of my life and take care of my family again. I was very grateful to my family and friends that covered for me while I was down, and I felt bad that I hadn’t been doing my job. At that point in my life I was pretty accomplished at picking up shame and guilt and running with it.
When our friends, Sharon and Erin Dorsey, brought the kids up to the hospital to meet the baby, I noticed that Nick wasn’t using his right arm. Arden took him to get an x-ray and it was broken. The doctors put his arm in a cute blue sling rather than casting it. The only way that we even knew to get it checked out was that the arm was hanging by his side. He wasn’t using it. We all felt so bad. We didn’t even know how he had hurt himself or when it had happened. Talk about guilt.
I tried really hard to feel the joy of having Derek join our family and not have the day overshadowed by my feelings of shame and guilt that Nick was hurt. Even though that day was 34 years ago, I can still feel the conflict of emotions as I am writing about it.
Sometimes it seems easier to remember the hard things, or the things when we or others are not our best selves. I make a conscious effort to remember the uplifting joyful things and try to let the other stuff fall back into the recesses of my mind. This exercise does help me keep a positive outlook on life. It can be difficult to do that, but I believe it is important.
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