Tonight I feel bad.

Tonight I am feeling bad.  Nick fell today while I was at home alone with him and hurt his other ankle.  I keep thinking that if I could have been more aware or more prepared or more firm or more …. (fill in the blank) that I could have prevented this from happening.  

Remember that it was 2 1/2 months ago that he fell and broke his right ankle, well today I was trying to stop him from walking on a new floor that wasn’t ready to walk on and he wanted to walk on it.  He lost his balance while I was blocking him from going into the room and he was pushing against me.  He fell over backwards and now his left ankle is a bit swollen and he is limping on it.  

I keep reminding myself that he weighs a lot and is stubborn.  Often, it is like trying to move a freight train rumbling down the track when he wants to do something and I need him to do something else.  Even with all of those rational thoughts rolling around in my brain, I still feel bad.  

Having children is a big responsibility.  It is a 24/7 job.  Being responsible for your child for over 37 years is daunting.  Some days I feel like I am successful and other days …  Well, let’s just say that other days, I don’t feel as successful.  

Arden says that I need to be honest about the times that are tough as well as celebrate the things that are amazing.  Tonight is one of those tough times.  

I know that everyone has times that are difficult to deal with and times when we wish we had handled things differently.  I am grateful for friends who listen to me and hug me and tell me that everything will be ok, eventually.  

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